In honor of my daughter telling me about her troubles with the phone company, I thought I’d post a little piece I wrote years ago for a writing aptitude test. My assignment was to write a “How To” article. Enjoy!
How to Pay (something like) an Eleventh Hour Electric Bill, Online.
Items needed: One slightly scattered brain and a vague awareness that the electric company will soon be leaving you in the dark.
Step one: Sit at your computer with no information and Google the name of your electric company. (After learning that the key words found in your Electric Company’s name are shared by a film production company of negligible merit, select the most likely target.)
Step two: Determine where on this vast website there might be hidden the “Pay Your Bill” icon.
Step Three: Discover that you must provide ALL of the esoteric information found in the small print on your statement in order to be deemed worthy of paying the company via the world wide web. (Spend the next 30 minutes searching for your statement.)
Step Four: After entering all of the pertinent information, it is time to choose a username and password. Try to choose a username that has meaning for you so that it’s easy to remember for next time. . . and then modify that to an unrecognizable degree in order to satisfy the requirements of the cruel webmaster. Next, carefully select a secure password and click on the “Submit Registration” button.
Step Five: After carefully selecting 26 other “already in use” secure passwords – use the following example as a guide: XYZElectricCompanySTINX! That will usually work. Congratulations! You’re now a registered user!
Step Six: Locate the Registered User Bill-Pay option and click on that.
Step Seven: Upon arriving at the “This Web Page Cannot Be Displayed” page, throw your hands in the air and call the 800 number on your statement to pay by phone.
Next up! How to Navigate your Utility Company’s Phone Tree!