So, here we are at the confluence of 2013 and 2014. I’m, personally, experiencing a bit of the usual turmoil associated with this phenomenon. Generally, this term refers to the junction point of two (or more!) rivers, flowing together from different directions. I’ve been playing with this idea in my head for over a year, actually. I first started ruminating on this concept when I learned of the place where the Colorado River meets Havasu Creek in the Grand Canyon. This is a notable confluence because of the stark contrast of the Havasu’s blue/green waters (in fact “Havasu” translates to exactly that – blue/green water) with the brown muddy Colorado. This is a visually remarkable example of a confluence, where the two individual flows are so distinct, the maelstrom of the meeting point can be seen clearly and one understands that the resulting single flow must be a third thing, entirely.
My studies, my spiritual path, even my emotional life have been flowing in the rapids for the past several years.
In my becoming aware of all the beauty, adventure and wisdom the world has to offer I’ve tried to take in so much. I have, by turns, immersed myself in learning about Hinduism, Wicca, Taoism, Buddhism, Native American Spirituality, Heathenism, etc. And I have been privileged to experience some the mysteries of those paths. I find them ALL to be valid and beautiful.
I’ve had fits of reading the classic works of fiction and then drowning in a sea of quantum theory, neuroscience, ancient languages, philosophy, psychology…the list goes on and on.
I’ve confused myself with travel plans that span the globe and run the gamut of experience from adventures in nature to cultural and spiritual enlightenment to luxury indulgence.
I’m honestly not sure if I’m trying to embrace everything or if I’m just easily distracted.
But I feel the convergence coming. This is a turning inward or a combining of all of these things with what’s inside. I’m learning that knowledge doesn’t always lead to wisdom and experience doesn’t always lead to enlightenment. You have to get your soul involved for those things to happen. You have to take risks, make judgments, incorporate your “inner knowing”. That’s what I’m feeling; the convergence of all these bits of information with ME. I’m becoming less interested in the literature and more interested in my interpretation of the literature; less impressed by society’s definition of wisdom and more impressed by my own opinions. And I feel the rushing, pulling current. I welcome and fear the maelstrom.
And I’ve just now come to the understanding that this is (yet another) initiation. Ha! Water! Death and Initiation. So a sacrifice is in order.
Naturally, because spirit works as it does, there is one already in the works. I’ve entered my 5th decade on this planet and in this lifetime. It’s time to begin embracing my cronehood. I’ve felt some conflict about this over the past few years, at times feeling grief over the loss of my youthful appearance and at other times expressing real love for my laugh-lines and understanding that maturity has its advantages. One example….. How’s THIS for a confluence?
Yes, my signature red hair is about to bid the world, “Adieu!” I’ve spent too many years, and entirely too much time working to retain the color I had in high school. And for a while there, it was working quite nicely for me. But now, it just feels too much like a lie, or like hiding. I struggled with this decision too! I’ve had this auburn mane for so long, I just couldn’t wrap my head around how I’d look in silver. But just the other day, I was hanging an antique mirror. I had been working around the house most of the day, no make-up (or whatever was left of yesterday’s make-up to be honest) and my hair up in a messy bun, the gray roots prominent. And the lady I saw looking back at me as I hung the old mirror smiled and said, “Damn! You look good!” Perhaps it was one antique appreciating another, but I began to see a totally different kind of beauty. Not society’s beauty, not what men generally call beauty, but something more, something with heart and soul. I can dig it.
So, a Ritual is in order- New Year, New Moon, New Hair, New River of my life! It needs to be unscripted, from the heart. I wrote a poem about the confluence. I’ll post it tomorrow. My God and Goddess need to hear it first.
As for the new year, I expect a bit of chaos and turmoil leading in, and I hope that it brings you all joy and satisfaction and peace. As for my Oath, or “New Year’s Resolution” as it’s known today, It’s “Love.” Love everyone. Love myself. Love instead of fear. Love is all you need! It’s the one thing I want to remember on a daily basis in 2014, the year of the new River that is ME!