The first week of 2016 was rough for me. I’d failed to reach some of my goals for 2015 and was, at the moment, failing miserably at my “Healthy Lifestyle” goals. I was pretty down on myself, which, as a spiritual adviser, I know is self-defeating. But, as a human being, I say, “Hey! Sometimes I get mad at myself! That’s life! Deal with it!”
Funny, I’ve been contemplating hard on doing some more Shadow work lately. The Universe says, “Your wish is my command! You want shadows? Here ya go! Self-loathing! How’s THAT for Dark?!”, she proclaims with pride. (HeHe)
The fact is that this whole thing (yaknow- life, the universe and everything) is a process. You think you’ve learned a lesson and then you discover another layer of the same lesson hidden underneath. It’s cool! I’m not ready to be “Done” yet. I kinda like it here.
So, there I was, in my MOOD; cranky, frustrated, restless – STUCK! And when I’m stuck, I think about my spiritual practice. It has always been what has saved me. I realized I wasn’t finding enough time for it; Meditation, Ritual, Offerings. I was “fitting it in” here and there, instead of making it central to my life and my days. And, for me, that means I need a sort of shock treatment – a BIG DOSE of my medicine to bring me back from this profoundly human habit of pleasing others and attachment to outcomes. (All those goals = outcomes, for me.) I need some “freedom from the lust of result”. (Thank you Mister Crowley!) The fact is that those “goals” I had set for myself, in truth, were largely rooted in that particular aspect of my Shadow that says “Prove yourself. You’re no good unless others recognize your successes.” And that, dear readers, is ego and nothing more. The goals I’d set for myself were not meant to feed my soul but to prove myself.
In my ponderings on Shadow and my moments of self-loathing, I realized that I had entered the auto-pilot mindset of dealing with things like the day-job and the mundane “have-to’s”, “Need-to’s” and “Get-to’s” of life. I was embracing the lazy routine of working, and doing what I thought I had to do, then coming home to much deserved “relax” mode (doing nothing!). I had allowed myself to slip into the comfortable groove of the “normal”, “mainstream” life.
This witch, dear readers, is far from “normal”… even for a witch! In this realization I felt that I needed to firmly establish my “witchy-ness”! In an expression of my MOOD at the time, I thought I’d change my entire wardrobe to nothing but black, flowy dresses! As black as my soul! Then I laughed at myself, realizing, of course that it’s not about appearance at all. In fact, it’s about the opposite.
So I asked my brooding, black, moody soul what it needed. The answer was SILENCE!!! I realize that’s a bit of a paradox – a shouted “SILENCE!!” But that was what I got!
I thought, “I need a couple of days away – a sort of Spiritual Immersion retreat. You see, in the time before I moved to Arizona, I LIVED at a Spiritual Retreat. I was in need of total immersion in my practice, no distractions, no excuses.
I happen to live about a 90-minute drive away from “Spiritual Retreat Central” aka, Sedona, AZ! So I began researching what was available. None seemed totally suited to my needs and ALL were EXTREMELY PRICEY! So, since I didn’t win the Powerball, I started thinking, “Well, I know of this lovely, small (affordable) Inn in the heart of Sedona and I have hosted numerous Spiritual events; retreats, workshops, festivals, you name it! I’m a goddamn High Priestess of Warrior Deities! I’m a Badass Diviner, Channeler, Intuitive! I can come up with my own weekend, filled with that BIG DOSE of Spiritual Practice (with lots of silence) that I need.”
So I began planning. And then what happened was pure Magick, the kind of Magick I’d become accustomed to when I WAS honoring my spiritual practice. You see, when you decide to give to your soul, when you honestly ask it what IT wants and when you are willing to face that Shadow side of yourself, well, everything aligns. The universe will marshal its every force to help you.
So, as I was planning my own retreat, I realized that many other women I know have felt this way. I understood that, yes, I could get away in a month or so and give myself this gift, but why leave it at that? I could create this gift of an affordable retreat for others as well. Since coming to that understanding, I have been OBSESSED! I’ve blown through goals like there’s no work involved. Yesterday, I spent 16 hours learning new software, creating a new meditation recording, planning the event, getting ready to launch this creative baby to which I am giving birth. Those 16 hours went by in a flash. I’ve been so IMMERSED in this creation that I’ve lost track of time. My previously moody, black soul has exploded in color and joy! THIS is (part of) the food that my soul has been starved of! I’ve been extremely present in the planning of this and nowhere else, because I’ve no desire to BE anywhere else or to DO anything else! This is BLISS! And I’m following it! (Thank you Mister Campbell!). It’s happening! Goddess Divine – A Spiritual Retreat for Women. May 20th, 21st and 22nd in beautiful Sedona, AZ.
And so, dear reader, if you have identified with any of these feelings, and if you feel that you’d like to get away for a bit and maybe even examine a bit of your own shadow in order to emerge on the other side with a goddamn FORCEFUL PURPOSE, then email AffordableSedonaRetreat@gmail.com for more information and for your FREE GIFT of that Meditation MP3 that I spent so many hours creating. More information can also be found at my Goddess Divine page here on wordpress. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!